Dr. Frank-N-Furter?
This amazing ad is one of the most bizarre offers for a roommate we've come across. My comments are in bold.
$300 Seek share, reduce rent 4 work exchange + own business; (Hermosa Beach, CA)
Do not email me if you are not "IN" the Los Angeles, CA area; don't waste your time emailing me third party ill - pay website's. It's sick and stupid. Yeah, whatever. And, on the real . . . THIS IS NOT A GOOD FIRST SENTENCE/IMPRESSION
Hello 20,100/Hermosa Beach resident's, how are you? Oh, good. Greengrocer's apostrophe's. This will be ton's of fun. Hope your good. I seek and need a share apt or misc, reduced rent for work exchange, plus, I have my own 3 year freelance casual and general labor services business, with character references. $300 or less is the top/highest I can pay. I can do housecleaning, keep inside AND outside nice, when you come home. Thing's you may have put off to do another day, maybe perhaps I can do for you or with you, win-win. In the original ad, the scary photo of this guy was at the bottom, and came as a surprise. I encourage you to make sure you've picture it so you all get the added benefit of reading the above in a funny voice befitting the photo. I don't ask for much, can take care of myself, can live on little, have monthly disability income, but can function well enough to tackle any task/duty. Do you question admitting to scamming disability in your description of yourself? I say, why not! Love community/nieghborhood, love Hermosa and Redondo, and just need alittle space for myself. I have alittle small home office item's (computer, misc), I'm getting alittle headache am quiet, stay to myself, am considerate and respectful, and when I'm not doing say, on a morning schedule of cleaning the house or outside, I'd be working on my freelance casual and general labor services business with scheduling odd job's gig's, thus, I'd be busy, out in the field.This next sentence is a doozy. We get to see him surmise what other people think of him. Very classy, especially in an ad where you're supposed to be selling yourself.If your willing, someone of 20,100/Hermosa Beach resident's, please, I can be good for this, you won't be disappointed, as some client's of mine, seen when I performed duties and task's for them, them wondering (perhaps to themselves), geez, why didn't I contact this guy before.Perhaps to themselves? Really? What a quaint story from a humble guy. Anyway, I'm humble, know business, am straight forward and get right to it, can work unsupervised as to build trust and relaiability, misc with you. I pray I can discuss an agreeable reduced rent for work exchange deal with someone. I got a driver's license, but no car, can drive automatic only, and know some thing's about various thing's per task's and duties, organizing, misc. I just want everyone to focus on the fact that he knows: "some thing's about various thing's per task's and duties" Please read that aloud. I don't ask for any pay what so ever, just a reasonable size space to live, say, 400 square feet or alittle smaller say, and I can earn, misc my stay, your trust, misc, all good. Good, he doesn't want pay, he just wants to earn my trust and misc. Thank you in advance. And I do have character reference's I can share with you if you email me back. Have a blessed day. I get email's from people from time to time on this; if your not in Hermosa Beach, amidst the 20,100, save yourself the time,Yes, this is the third time he has made a reference (I believe) to the population of Hermosa Beach and don't email me; your wasting my time and yours, because I won't reply. My info is below, for your review:
Just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you in advance for considering me out of (10) million in LA for your labor need's. You see, he likes population numbers
I commute to clientele (via http://www.mta.net, http://www.metro.net), Note he doesn't ride MTA or the Metro - he commutes via their websites, probably using some sort of emailing-yourself mass transit prototype exhibit business and professional attitude, detail oriented and take pride in the work that I am given, but I am quick about it, thus, I get the job done right the first time. Your equation doesn't compute quite as effortlessly as you tried to make it, sir. All clientele must supply items for any tasks or duties to be carried out by me - http://www.99only.com/locator/index.php . Yes, he is genuinely suggesting you go to the 99 Cent store to get him his supplies, and he is so damn helpful he included a link. Talk about brand loyalty. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. And I thank you in advance.
Now, remember this ad is for looking for a place to live. Including the following resume is not standard practice. However, compared to the info he ends up sharing by the end of this ad, the resume seems positively normal.
TASKS / SKILLS / EXPERIENCE: Light industrial, Forklift Certified, Just what I need in a roommate looking to help around the house Operated powered and non powered Pallet Jacks, UPS on-line, Shipping and Receiving, Inventory and Rotating Stock, Re-Stocking, Loading and Unloading vehicles, Entry Level General Office (filing, phones, misc.) And he can answer phone? Sign me up! and Customer Service, as well as Entry Level Graphic Web Design, computer / PC project's using Windows 95 / 98 / XP / (Microsoft Word, Internet, email), and Basic / Elementary Spanish and American Sign Language. As well as odd job's: housecleaning, mover's assistant / helper, minimal yard work, minimal laundry, washing (dishes / vehicles), If he's being so broad as to mention he can wash dishes AND cars, should I worry that he didn't include "washing self" as a skill? groundskeeping, janitorial. I've also done TV / Film background scene work as well as interned on various student and independent low - budget film / video production projects, performing various production department assisting, such as craft service's and boom operator.
Driver's License: Class C - (Automatic, not manual transmission), exp 02/17/2012. Seriously, even on a resume, do you ever bother to dig out your driver's license and include the expiration date? BUT NO! THIS IS FOR A ROOMMATE! IN WHAT WORLD DOES YOUR ROOMMATE NEED TO KNOW THIS?!
ADDITIONAL (on me): I care about and am deeply passionate with progressive growth, teamwork (if needed) and exhibit professional / business - oriented attitude, as well as have a deep passion and utmost respect for business and customer service, as well as customer satisfaction.
I got over (3) year's of satisfied clientele; It's been a close competition, but I nominate this previous sentence as the worst grammar in the whole piece. We'll start with the unnecessary parenthetical on the 3. Then a Greengrocer's Apostrophe. The have/got switch is a big no-no. Lastly, we are left with the implication that he does not have 3 years of experience, but instead 3 years worth of clientele. In a basement. Somewhere. (some needing one-time service, while other's - periodic/occasional service). And whether housecleaning, which has seemed to be my most requested, though I do as well tasks' such as (cleaning out garage of ? & moving out to curb for city to pick-up), mover's helper's (loading/unloading of moving truck); Is there a grammatical term for a hanging "and whether"?
I do whatever reasonably in undertaking, carrying-out, following-thru &/or completing.I want this last sentence on a T-Shirt, or maybe as a tattoo. AND I always seek to go extra mile my clientele; not because of given compensation, but because I expect myself to over-exceed clientele's expectation's. So please, let me know, if I, out of (10) million in LA County, can help you. We should have made population mentioning a drinking game!
My respectively confided clientele is comprised of men, women, & of various backgrounds'; my only key thing is 'be on the real' when I give my all & post request compensation (=) win-win situation. God bless. Here to please, over-achieve & excel unto my fullness. We should all really strive to be on the real and excel unto our fullness. And, I guess we should also strive to give post request compensation equals win-win situation.
My Traits: Agreeable, Caring, Communicative, Compassionate, Competent, Dependable, Easy Going, Intelligent, Introverted, Kind, Neat, Open, Opinionated, Quiet, Rational, Sensitive, Simple, Spiritual, Talented, Trusting. This is actually a little endearing. I wish everyone would end their roommate postings with 20 adjectives about themselves.
Well, congratulations. You survived this amazingly long rambling post (only made longer by my interwoven diatribe). However, if you think you're done, oh, ho ho. No. Because the last line of this man's post is a link to his website. The above is a sampling of him restrained by Craigslist's formatting. What happens when he is allowed free use of font color changes and webcam pics and... shudder... animated gifs?
http://www.jeffreydavidmorris.com
I WARN YOU. It is even worse than this post. Please, visit the link to see the atrocious 1996 web formatting, but then immediately leave. DO NOT read further, because even though he openly included this website with his roommate request/resume, he seems to think it's appropriate to also include his own... erotic fiction... And once you fiends read his woeful erotic fiction (because I know you will despite my warning) do not blame me for what you find at the bottom of the page.
$300 Seek share, reduce rent 4 work exchange + own business; (Hermosa Beach, CA)
Do not email me if you are not "IN" the Los Angeles, CA area; don't waste your time emailing me third party ill - pay website's. It's sick and stupid. Yeah, whatever. And, on the real . . . THIS IS NOT A GOOD FIRST SENTENCE/IMPRESSION
Hello 20,100/Hermosa Beach resident's, how are you? Oh, good. Greengrocer's apostrophe's. This will be ton's of fun. Hope your good. I seek and need a share apt or misc, reduced rent for work exchange, plus, I have my own 3 year freelance casual and general labor services business, with character references. $300 or less is the top/highest I can pay. I can do housecleaning, keep inside AND outside nice, when you come home. Thing's you may have put off to do another day, maybe perhaps I can do for you or with you, win-win. In the original ad, the scary photo of this guy was at the bottom, and came as a surprise. I encourage you to make sure you've picture it so you all get the added benefit of reading the above in a funny voice befitting the photo. I don't ask for much, can take care of myself, can live on little, have monthly disability income, but can function well enough to tackle any task/duty. Do you question admitting to scamming disability in your description of yourself? I say, why not! Love community/nieghborhood, love Hermosa and Redondo, and just need alittle space for myself. I have alittle small home office item's (computer, misc), I'm getting alittle headache am quiet, stay to myself, am considerate and respectful, and when I'm not doing say, on a morning schedule of cleaning the house or outside, I'd be working on my freelance casual and general labor services business with scheduling odd job's gig's, thus, I'd be busy, out in the field.This next sentence is a doozy. We get to see him surmise what other people think of him. Very classy, especially in an ad where you're supposed to be selling yourself.If your willing, someone of 20,100/Hermosa Beach resident's, please, I can be good for this, you won't be disappointed, as some client's of mine, seen when I performed duties and task's for them, them wondering (perhaps to themselves), geez, why didn't I contact this guy before.Perhaps to themselves? Really? What a quaint story from a humble guy. Anyway, I'm humble, know business, am straight forward and get right to it, can work unsupervised as to build trust and relaiability, misc with you. I pray I can discuss an agreeable reduced rent for work exchange deal with someone. I got a driver's license, but no car, can drive automatic only, and know some thing's about various thing's per task's and duties, organizing, misc. I just want everyone to focus on the fact that he knows: "some thing's about various thing's per task's and duties" Please read that aloud. I don't ask for any pay what so ever, just a reasonable size space to live, say, 400 square feet or alittle smaller say, and I can earn, misc my stay, your trust, misc, all good. Good, he doesn't want pay, he just wants to earn my trust and misc. Thank you in advance. And I do have character reference's I can share with you if you email me back. Have a blessed day. I get email's from people from time to time on this; if your not in Hermosa Beach, amidst the 20,100, save yourself the time,Yes, this is the third time he has made a reference (I believe) to the population of Hermosa Beach and don't email me; your wasting my time and yours, because I won't reply. My info is below, for your review:
Just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you in advance for considering me out of (10) million in LA for your labor need's. You see, he likes population numbers
I commute to clientele (via http://www.mta.net, http://www.metro.net), Note he doesn't ride MTA or the Metro - he commutes via their websites, probably using some sort of emailing-yourself mass transit prototype exhibit business and professional attitude, detail oriented and take pride in the work that I am given, but I am quick about it, thus, I get the job done right the first time. Your equation doesn't compute quite as effortlessly as you tried to make it, sir. All clientele must supply items for any tasks or duties to be carried out by me - http://www.99only.com/loca
Now, remember this ad is for looking for a place to live. Including the following resume is not standard practice. However, compared to the info he ends up sharing by the end of this ad, the resume seems positively normal.
TASKS / SKILLS / EXPERIENCE: Light industrial, Forklift Certified, Just what I need in a roommate looking to help around the house Operated powered and non powered Pallet Jacks, UPS on-line, Shipping and Receiving, Inventory and Rotating Stock, Re-Stocking, Loading and Unloading vehicles, Entry Level General Office (filing, phones, misc.) And he can answer phone? Sign me up! and Customer Service, as well as Entry Level Graphic Web Design, computer / PC project's using Windows 95 / 98 / XP / (Microsoft Word, Internet, email), and Basic / Elementary Spanish and American Sign Language. As well as odd job's: housecleaning, mover's assistant / helper, minimal yard work, minimal laundry, washing (dishes / vehicles), If he's being so broad as to mention he can wash dishes AND cars, should I worry that he didn't include "washing self" as a skill? groundskeeping, janitorial. I've also done TV / Film background scene work as well as interned on various student and independent low - budget film / video production projects, performing various production department assisting, such as craft service's and boom operator.
Driver's License: Class C - (Automatic, not manual transmission), exp 02/17/2012. Seriously, even on a resume, do you ever bother to dig out your driver's license and include the expiration date? BUT NO! THIS IS FOR A ROOMMATE! IN WHAT WORLD DOES YOUR ROOMMATE NEED TO KNOW THIS?!
ADDITIONAL (on me): I care about and am deeply passionate with progressive growth, teamwork (if needed) and exhibit professional / business - oriented attitude, as well as have a deep passion and utmost respect for business and customer service, as well as customer satisfaction.
I got over (3) year's of satisfied clientele; It's been a close competition, but I nominate this previous sentence as the worst grammar in the whole piece. We'll start with the unnecessary parenthetical on the 3. Then a Greengrocer's Apostrophe. The have/got switch is a big no-no. Lastly, we are left with the implication that he does not have 3 years of experience, but instead 3 years worth of clientele. In a basement. Somewhere. (some needing one-time service, while other's - periodic/occasional service). And whether housecleaning, which has seemed to be my most requested, though I do as well tasks' such as (cleaning out garage of ? & moving out to curb for city to pick-up), mover's helper's (loading/unloading of moving truck); Is there a grammatical term for a hanging "and whether"?
I do whatever reasonably in undertaking, carrying-out, following-thru &/or completing.I want this last sentence on a T-Shirt, or maybe as a tattoo. AND I always seek to go extra mile my clientele; not because of given compensation, but because I expect myself to over-exceed clientele's expectation's. So please, let me know, if I, out of (10) million in LA County, can help you. We should have made population mentioning a drinking game!
My respectively confided clientele is comprised of men, women, & of various backgrounds'; my only key thing is 'be on the real' when I give my all & post request compensation (=) win-win situation. God bless. Here to please, over-achieve & excel unto my fullness. We should all really strive to be on the real and excel unto our fullness. And, I guess we should also strive to give post request compensation equals win-win situation.
My Traits: Agreeable, Caring, Communicative, Compassionate, Competent, Dependable, Easy Going, Intelligent, Introverted, Kind, Neat, Open, Opinionated, Quiet, Rational, Sensitive, Simple, Spiritual, Talented, Trusting. This is actually a little endearing. I wish everyone would end their roommate postings with 20 adjectives about themselves.
Well, congratulations. You survived this amazingly long rambling post (only made longer by my interwoven diatribe). However, if you think you're done, oh, ho ho. No. Because the last line of this man's post is a link to his website. The above is a sampling of him restrained by Craigslist's formatting. What happens when he is allowed free use of font color changes and webcam pics and... shudder... animated gifs?
http://www.jeffreydavidmor
I WARN YOU. It is even worse than this post. Please, visit the link to see the atrocious 1996 web formatting, but then immediately leave. DO NOT read further, because even though he openly included this website with his roommate request/resume, he seems to think it's appropriate to also include his own... erotic fiction... And once you fiends read his woeful erotic fiction (because I know you will despite my warning) do not blame me for what you find at the bottom of the page.
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